face it: they could be related, vol. 1

Anyone else ever notice a resemblance between someone real, say, Alan Colmes, from Fox News' "Hannity & Colmes," and a character like the Crypt Keeper from "Tales From the Crypt"?

Others to consider: a pre-diet Oprah and an African-American Miss Piggy; Wild E. Coyote and Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld; Popeye and NYPD Police Commissioner Raymond Kelly; Marge Simpson and Congresswoman Cynthia McKinney of Georgia.

Got more?

the republicans are coming, the republicans are coming!

So I got my hands on the latest e-mail sent out by the Republican National Committee and boy is it a hoot. This gem revolves around the "official" Republican Grassroots Voices Survey, a 9-question elixir for GOP cronies to "formulate [their] strategy to win in November" and build a "blueprint for victory" in 2008.

Thankfully, VP Dick Cheney (pictured in all his glory) has said he has no interest in running for president when President Bush leaves office. By then, Cheney will be 67 -- not as old as Ronald Reagan when he took office at a ripe 69 -- but "rivers" and "grandkids" are more appealing than picking up Dubya's pieces, he's told Fox News. Besides, he'll have oil companies in Kabul to run.

So who will it be against Hil in '08?

No guess here, but know that "politics is changing," in the words of Kool Moe Dee, er, Ken Mehlman, chairman of the Republican National Committee and author of the aforementioned e-mail.

In closing, please take a moment and consider two things.

1. Fighting the "War on Terror" or "uphold our nation's bedrock values," which matters more? You make the call below!

2. More of a personal note: This is somewhat of an early declaration, but if a GOP candidate wins the 2008 presidential election, I'm running in 2012 -- ya heard, K Mehlmizzle? Enough of this shit.

Scroll down for the entire unedited e-mail. Enjoy and please pass along -- in jest, of course.



*******************



Dear Ethan,

You've heard from us. Now, we want to hear from you.

As we formulate our strategy to win in November, we need your opinion. Enclosed in this e-mail is your official Republican Grassroots Voices Survey. Please take a moment to share your opinion on...

The most important priority facing our nation... why it's important that we retain our Republican majorities in November... how you'd like to get involved online... where you get your news... and anything else - by sharing your thoughts at the end of the survey.

Please be sure to return the survey as soon as possible. We will be sharing your thoughts with our leaders in Congress for their action. Your answers will be used to formulate a blueprint for victory in 2006 and 2008.

Politics is changing - and new technology empowers you to connect with our Party's leaders and elected representatives at the click of a button. Take a moment to fill out this important survey and tell our Party's leaders what you think.


Sincerely,


Ken Mehlman
Chairman, Republican National Committee

P.S. With this survey, you'll have a chance to sign up for our Grassroots Voices Initiative. By signing up, you'll receive exclusive e-mail alerts about new online polls - and be the pulse of the Republican Party.


If you have trouble submitting this survey or would like to complete it online, click here.




1.) Which issues will be most important in determining your vote this November? (select up to three)
Keeping Taxes Low
Immigration & border security
Winning the War On Terror
Growing Our Economy
Improving education
Increasing access to affordable health care
Protecting Social Security
Energy independence
Appointing qualified judges
Strengthening marriage and the family
Morals and ethics in government

2.) What is the most important reason for maintaining and expanding our Republican majorities in 2006? (select one)
To ensure that America continues to stand united and strong in fighting the War on Terror
To help President Bush enact his reform agenda for America
To keep Democrat leaders like Nancy Pelosi, Harry Reid, and Howard Dean from pushing through their extreme left-wing agenda
To make President Bush's tax cuts permanent and keep our economy growing
To uphold our nation's bedrock values

3.) If the Democrats win control of the Congress in 2006, what is the one thing you would be most worried would happen?
Democrats will try to censure or impeach President Bush
Democrat would raise your taxes
Democrats would cut and run from the central front in the War on Terror
Democrats would sell out American values to Hollywood liberals
Democrats would impose government-run health care

4.) As you know, President Bush has announced a bold reform agenda for 2006. Which of his initiatives is most important to you? (select one)
Fighting and Winning the War on Terror
Comprehensive immigration reform that secures our borders
Making tax relief permanent for all taxpayers
Making America more competitive in the global marketplace
Reducing America's dependence on foreign sources of energy by half

5.) From which sources do you receive most of your news and political information? (select multiple)
ABC News
CBS News
NBC News
Fox News Channel
CNN
MSNBC
News websites
Blogs
Daily Newspaper
Radio
E-mail
News/Opinion Magazines
Friends and Family
Other

6.) On a scale of 0 to 10, how likely is it that you would recommend voting Republican in the next election to a friend or a colleague?


7.) As an online activist, what features would you like to see on GOP.com? (select multiple)
More ways to connect with fellow Republicans
Volunteer opportunities in my area
Web videos & podcasts with key newsmakers
Online polls
The latest breaking news
Information on the issues important to me
Information on GOP candidates and elected officials
Online Diaries from GOP political leaders
Other

8.) In what year were you born?


9.) Did you vote in the year 2004?
Yes
No

10.) Please share any additional comments below


Yes, I would like to sign up for the Grassroots Voices Initiative to be the online pulse of the Republican Party!
12.) Got a new e-mail address? Update it here:

the conservatory garden

Five shots from the only formal garden in NYC's magnificent Central Park . . .

One of Three Dancing Maidens at the French Garden's Untermyer Fountain.

A partially-shaded walkway.

Flowers in full bloom.

The wrought-iron wisteria pergola, which sits atop a series of tiered yew and spiraea hedges.

The 11-acre Harlem Meer, which means "lake" in Dutch.


Some facts about the six-acre garden:
-comprised of three distinct landscape styles: Italian, French, and English;
-it takes its name from a large glass conservatory (built in 1898) that once stood at the exact location;
-in 1934, when maintenance became too pricey, that glass conservatory was demolished and replaced with the present garden, which opened to the public in 1937;
-the names of the 13 original states are inscribed on the walkway under the pergola.


Find a sunny afternoon and go; I highly recommend it.

"utter torture" lingers for slain student's mother

*This is an unedited version of a story that ran April 10 in the New York Metro. Enjoy.


BROOKLYN
After nearly three years of “no respect” from the NYPD following the rape, torture and slaying of her only child, Elle Carmichael wants answers -- and money -- from police.
Carmichael, mother of Romona Moore, alleges in a civil lawsuit seeking in excess of $1 million that police ignored her daughter’s disappearance and ignored 911 calls by a neighbor who reported screams from the Snyder Avenue apartment where the 21-year-old Hunter College student (above) was held in a basement for three days. It also alleges police refused to act after Carmichael insisted that her daughter’s disappearance was unusual.
“There was no respect from the whole department, I wasn’t treated right,” Carmichael said. “I explained this was a unique case. She didn’t sleep out, she never missed school, and they just gave me a deaf ear to that.”
According to the lawsuit, filed in Brooklyn Supreme Court in July 2004, the “NYPD has a policy and practice of not making a prompt investigation of missing persons claims of African-Americans, while making a prompt investigation for white individuals, despite having official policies and procedures to investigate unusual or unaccountable absences.”
Last month, while joining Brooklyn District Attorney Charles Hynes in announcing the indictment of Darryl Littlejohn in the death of Imette St. Guillen, Police Commissioner Raymond Kelly defended the department but admitted that detectives did not take the complaint originally because Moore -- an “emancipated adult” -- could have simply left home.
“Once [detectives] took the case, they did a full-blown investigation, they did a canvass,” Kelly said. “Doing that canvass enabled them to find another victim of these individuals and that’s how the case was broken. So there wasn’t a delay on the part of detectives.”
Paul Browne, NYPD’s deputy commissioner of public information, said an intensive search for Moore began April 27, 2003, when investigators visited local hospitals, retraced her possible routes and brought out the bloodhounds. On May 10, 2003, Moore’s badly decomposed body was found after an anonymous caller notified police. Ten days later, Kayson Pearson, 24, and Troy Hendrix, 22, were charged in her death.
When a jury found Pearson and Hendrix guilty of first-degree murder late last month, the pain returned -- unlike police and the media, according to Carmichael, who compared the coverage of her daughter’s death to that of St. Guillen.
“Ray Kelly wants to say it doesn’t matter who gets more air time, but it matters a lot if you’re going through it all,” she said. “They’re both college students, but [St. Guillen] got more play than my daughter. It’s the same case but it was treated differently. It’s certainly a double standard.”
Perhaps sensing the ensuing comparison, Kelly made this statement at the Littlejohn press conference: “While the horrible death of Imette St. Guillen has been the subject of intense media interest, detectives and prosecutors team up everyday to pursue justice for victims whose cases have not attracted so much attention, to bring some measure of comfort to their surviving loved ones.”
Browne noted that Pearson and Hendrix were charged eight days after Moore’s body was found beneath an ice cream truck on Kings Highway. Littlejohn, meanwhile, was charged 25 days after St. Guillen was found in a remote section of East New York.
For the 52-year-old Carmichael, a native of Guyana, the lawsuit is a last ditch effort to be recognized by the NYPD.
“They have stayed out from day one, they have never even tried to reach out to me,” she said. “That’s the slap in the face, no acknowledgement whatsoever.”
Tom Merrill, deputy chief of the Tort Division for the city’s law department, declined to comment on the pending litigation. There are no scheduled court dates, he said.
Robert Barsch, Carmichael’s attorney, said an announcement would come “soon,” but declined further comment.
When the case does go before a judge, more is at stake than just a potential settlement, according to Councilman Charles Barron, who stood beside Carmichael when Pearson and Hendrix were found guilty.
“This is a larger issue of race and the value or white life versus the value of black life,” Barron said. “When are we going to treated with some respect here? It’s racism, no question in my mind. It’s straight-up racism.”
Barron called for an independent probe into how police handled their investigation and is still pushing “Romona Moore’s Law,” which would expand the criteria used to determine when an immediate investigation into a missing person is launched. Currently, police must immediately investigate reports of missing people under age 16 or over age 65. Barron wants it expanded to age 25 and under.
“She might be alive today if not for the negligence of the police department,” said Barron, who thinks he has the votes to pass the bill, which is now stuck in the committee stage. “This goes beyond a lawsuit.”
Through smiles rather than tears, Carmichael said the pain of her daughter’s death is subsiding. Still, she’ll never again hug her “special child,” who was “quiet, pleasant, easy-going and loved everyone.”
“In the end, I would like to see people treated differently if they call to report a missing person, especially if it’s a young black woman or young black man,” Carmichael said. “Police should listen carefully to family members and not just jump to a conclusion that a young woman is out partying or at the bar somewhere. They should make better judgments so no other person goes through what I went through -- because it was utter torture.”

a reporter's trifecta

Every now and then, a news story comes along with what I call a "trifecta" - three key ingredients that make it especially interesting or salacious.

Meet Mr. Kevin Magrane (right), a 36-year-old teacher at Port Jefferson High School in Long Island. He was arrested early Thursday after officers spotted his purple Plymouth, which had been noticed "acting suspiciously" at a bus stop on multiple occasions recently in Rocky Point.

When Suffolk County police officers searched Magrane's piece of shit at 7:05 a.m., about an hour before attendance, they found unspecified quantities of Zanax, pot and the erectile dysfunction drug Cialis.

Bing! Bing! Bing! We have a winner!

Magrane, of Locust Drive in Rocky Point, was charged with two counts of criminal possession of a controlled substance and unlawful possession of marijuana. No word yet if he'll keep shaping young minds at Port Jeff.

Anyone got a light and a glass of water?